it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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