He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
