i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
