Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
