keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
