I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
