Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
