She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
