no, he came in my armpit
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
