Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
