youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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