This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
