Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
