Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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