It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
