oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
