Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
