What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
