Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
