Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
operation harelip BJ is a go
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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