just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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