i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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