Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
