I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.