i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.