Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...