is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.