Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
