I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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