Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
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Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis