man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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