I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
