So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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