I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Pants 0. Shit 1.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
