I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
