id be glad to
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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