I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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