Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
