Swine flu. Run for my life!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
