Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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