VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
