We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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