I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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