I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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