brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she pinky promised me she was 18
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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