When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
