hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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