I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
