can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
