Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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