We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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