Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
