I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
