Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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