did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
