??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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