also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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