she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
