Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
