Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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