I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I checked into jail on foursquare
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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