is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
