my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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