apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
