btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
