FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
