there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
