well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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