that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
