i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize