a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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