Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
