One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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