Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
