One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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