After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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